I'm searching for something...

I'm searching for something... // -->

Tuesday, August 31

Emptiness.

I'm just feeling empty.

You're the one... whom could fill my heart to the brim...

yet...

you're also the one... whom drained me from within...

I don't know how to tell you everything...

i don't know what's stopping me...

maybe... it's better to stay it this way...

hai... i said many that actually is hurting myself today... but...

all i wanted

is to not let you sad.

sorry. =

Heli Dont ask me why 1:13 AM

Sunday, August 29

It's a message that really woke me up. It's a message i should have seen it EARLIER. It's a message that jerk the hell out of me. I couldn't sleep. I don't want to sleep anymore. I want to know what's going on. I want to know how's he feeling. I want to scream and yell at myself... for seeing the message only few minutes ago. I'm an idiot.

It's an undescribable feeling. It's either slightly excited and slightly sad at each moment.. a little bit of each. And the next thing i want to do, is to see through the heart and mind of his... Sighs. It's bugging me. It's suffocating me each moment he didn't reply! The possibilities of what's happening kept pictured in my mind over and over again...

=/

What exactly happened?

Heli Dont ask me why 5:35 AM

Saturday, August 28

*clearing throat*

Hmm my cough is getting better. =)

Yup yesterday too tired to blog about anything. But guess we had lots of fun over at Liang court. Haha.. i think it's really towards the end we finally got that sense of achievement eh? And remember the assumptions we had? Hmmm don't dwell on those thoughts k? when the time comes, and if it really comes, then let's all face it together. Don't forget, you have a peacemaker snoopy here! =P

Oh and i think i'm not going to pastamania for a lonngggg timeee... hmmm think simple food just suits me.

and i just want a simple life.

Craps aside, this weekend is fully booked! Hope i've time to start my studying for the promos. 36 days. I'm starting to get worried. =/

"just gif me a call, den i push everything aside listen to u talk also can... hor? den let u feel honoured.. hahaa"

xiao de.. remember hor. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 6:31 PM

i'm testing for eileen! =X

Heli Dont ask me why 5:30 PM

Friday, August 27

Sian i gif up. =/

Really so pek chek studying and coughing at the same time. *mad*

Hmmm... If i'm one who really speaks what i want to say, i wonder how would it be like. Now.. it's as though there's an entry pass needed eh (machiam go staffroom)... i can't seem to say what i want. Bottom line, life still sucks as ever.

to ber: your entry comfirm my thought that you're deep internally.

wonder when this coughing season gonna end...

I saw the book again!! Arghh if not of lately lost my pencilcase and so many things needa pay up, i DEFINITELY will get that book. *stick out tongue!*

Crucified

Laid behind a stone

You lived to die

Rejected and alone

Like a rose

Trampled on the ground

You took the fall

And thought of me

Above all

Kept thinking of this song lately. Wonder why... Been ages... really it's so long since i've been there. =/

"Man forsake God. But God will never forsake Man."

Forgive me.

Heli Dont ask me why 12:06 AM

Thursday, August 26

okie i've concluded.. my cough is getting worst and guess what..

i'm having hiccups along with the cough.. ...

The bus journey home was bad. I was so tired but i couldn't sleep cos of the temperature.. i felt so cold... bbrrr... and i was trying my best not to cough too many times or too loud. Oh btw i'm really sorry that i coughed very loud today in class. =X And ya.. then when i stepped out of the bus, at the interchange, -_-''' then i felt so hot.. hot and cold hot and cold.. great. I've really coughed all my energy out today in school.. and my classmates are so full of concern for me eh.. bought chocs and kept passing them around... zzz... and that's not all, that mee fen i cannot eat chilli, and dearest sans just has to shift the plate to let the chilli be within my sight. =P

yeah 04A4B classmates.. great bunch of friends.. =P

damn i'm coughing non stop now.. =X

damnnn.

Heli Dont ask me why 4:28 PM

Tuesday, August 24

I feel a need to change my blog layout. Not because everyone's changing. But i think this layout no longer suits my character that much anymore. Anyone care to help me? =)

Apparently, i'm blasting the music very loudly cos i can't hear properly. Why? Cos i'm having a damn flu. Just couldn't figure out why i would sneeze so terribly after my nap yesterday. When i woke up, it was like cannot breathe in through my nose and i've to use my mouth? Then i went to take my temperature, and it's so terrible. Nono.. not the degrees. I'm fine. But it was when u put the thermometer in your mouth, then you couldn't breathe? Cos your mouth is shut and your nose is block?? =X

Despite of all these nonsense, i went to school today. Can't help, miss my classmates eh? *puke* But anyway took early leave la... then i slept till 4. But i'm not getting better. Sore throat is getting on my nerves. I don't like that uncomfortable feeling. Somemore.. i don't seem to know how to take care of myself all of a sudden. Then you know you would start thinking that how nice it would be if someone would pop by any moment and tell you that he or she is going to make sure you'll eat your medicine and sleep.

Bad. Hope i get well soon. Feel pretty stupid going to school today now. =X My main purpose of going to school today was because of the written report. Hmm heard that we had a lot of red scribbles (as usual). And so fast 2nd draft is due next week. I just wonder with so many projects on going and tutorials, how do we find enough time to study for our promos and not to mention have ample rest? Okay probably we didn't schedule our time well... but still.. i feel we're seriously deprive of life.

Okay. I actually want to address what's ongoing in our class now. Somehow, i told myself at the beginning of the term that, "regardless of what, i'm not going to get myself involve and i just want to study and get promoted" That was my aim then. Somehow, i think it's just my inner blood, my natural character that i will somehow get myself in this kind of matter. Sadly to say, it's what i fear most, and dislike most. I'm sure you guys know what i'm talking about. Somehow.. =X i don't know what to say here either.

=/ really i have alot to tell you guys my dear classmates.. but i don't know how to put it across in a way that.. it really will make things better. trust me and believe in me when i say i really want to do something about things.

Heli Dont ask me why 5:08 PM

Monday, August 23

You have a goodbye kiss- much passion and longing,
but never lasting.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

=/ I don't want to kiss goodbye..

Heli Dont ask me why 12:25 AM

Friday, August 20

In the morning light...
4 years ago i drew many small little cartoons on a styrofoam and let it be filled with many shades of colours. i got a box and very carefully, patiently placed the styrofoam inside and wrapped it, and gave it to you.

4 years later, i did something else for you. =)

i wanna say... thanks a million.

thanks for slowly lighting up each candle of mine...
and never failed to relight them when they were out.
thanks for letting me step into your life a little more than others...
and shared your little stories of your life with me.
thanks for bringing me out to let me know the feeling of being taken care of...
whereby i could only find rest and enjoy every moment with you around.
thanks for letting me see confidence, trust and care...
through that eyes of yours which i would never miss in the crowd.

If the years take away
Every memory that I have
I would still know the way
That would lead me back to your side
The north star may die
But the light that I see in your eyes
Will burn there always

always.

and finally...

Happy Birthday. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 1:18 AM

Wednesday, August 18

I'm still working on my geog term paper.. boo. Yah i think i like reading up case studies... but then it's like so boring finding case studies from the net especially when lately i have to keep going online to find information.. geog la, pw la.. this stupid term paper la... then it doesn't appeal to me... and somemore no pics.. zzz..

Hmm you asked me why human is never statisfied? Just look around la... all of us ain satisfied... nothing really pacify us well... Hmm... guess this is just our human nature ba. We tend to ask for more for.. there are more choices around us? Think it somehow link to what my tutor told us today. And i agreed totally with him that when we're young, we don't have much choices, we get satisfied easily. And that now as we are growing, choices are almost everywhere, when you have this, you look at others having things you don't have, you start to grumble, you start to feel ermm not statisfied already... Haha.. ain that true? I guess it's hard to make oneself satisfy. Even if we understand all the rules of satisfying oneself, i can tell you we won't be able to follow them. Just simply because.. we want more. I think it's not totally about how to make oneself satisfy ba... there's no concrete method de la this kind of things.. just appreciate things you have around you.. that's probably the first step all of us should make if we wanna be satisfied. It's hard.. but it's very worth trying.

So have i answered your question? =)

Heli Dont ask me why 2:18 AM

Friday, August 13

sometimes people do over drained themselves by giving and giving but not receiving. in the end, they got drained and left empty. and it's puzzling to see them still giving and giving.. where did the resource come from? *scratch head*

Yeah i miss my mum. I kept wanting to talk to her, and see her. But i don't have a flight to heaven. Even if i do, i don't have a ganranteed flight that i might see her... right? You have a flight back, then cherish it.

Leen Lex Ling Ting Den Ra: It's a good job done.

Cer Cass and Jay: Don't give up.

All: Jiayou. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 2:14 AM

Tuesday, August 10

I need more brighter, more relaxing, more happier song!!!

=/ There's nothing getting me down. But i just want to go higher a little. Life isn't really smooth sailing lately.. just getting dull and i'm tired of pushing myself up. So here i'm asking for a piece of song to just bring me to the right atmosphere. I don't like to push myself to be "high".. i just get tired and in the end i don't get what i want.. you understand what i'm saying? =X

Doubt you do. Aiya.. there's a lot of things i kinda want to say.. but however.. what's the point of addressing it here right? Think i'm getting tired of everything. Yeah it's a holiday but it ended so fast. Every moment seems to pass by so fast... Bah i haven't rest enough!

I went to look at last time some of your de blog (yc jl ck etc..) then i realised we were in such a craze mood then to set up a blog of our own and trying to update it as often as possible. But right now seems like left with me and belle eh? I still do go to the blogs every now and then though i knew cai's blog would always stay as something finally got time to update this "pathetic blog" and then jinglin de still same old entry on the prom nite which is like dunno how many months ago.. and then jay de still same what stay tune to know more.. lols. and then ck de what ermm something about pictures not washed away but memories will.. haha and i rmb cass also got! haha then the last entry was about not going to blog there anymore.. Hmmm kinda funny to think of it now eh? wonder how many of you still remember how to blog or what's your pw etc.. and wonder how many of you still come to my blog and read? =P

I remembered we used to comment on each other's blog often and even competed in getting as many ppl to sign the guestbook! And belle kept saying her blog template sucks and somehow initialy hers acutally ended up the same as ck's i think? haha.. those times we just fooled around on the net setting up this blog site... eventually.. haha i guess i'm the one who started and still using now... Anyway.. yeah i just suddenly felt like talking about this.. Good times eh?

*listening to "Summer Scent Inst"

Heli Dont ask me why 10:44 PM

Monday, August 9

*tHe sngApOrE doL iS heRe~

Heli Dont ask me why 9:05 PM

Saturday, August 7

i'm jealous. =/

would i have a chance...ever?

...it's just a... hug.

Heli Dont ask me why 11:37 PM

Friday, August 6

I think sometimes you just make me feel that i don't exist.

Probably you got to understand that i gotta hide at times.

Also i feel sometimes you and me were just there for a show?

And i really do wish to tell you in the face that, "can you just stop bothering me?" (but then.. i think i'm selfish?)

Sometimes i just hope no one relies on me too much?

It may just go haywire someday.. somewhere.

Woo i feel so much about so many ppl? But your won't know whom i'm talking about rite?

zzzz

Perhaps i should let it be known that, i'm afraid to talk it out. Believe me, i'm afraid to talk it out. Forgive me.

Heli Dont ask me why 10:51 PM

Wednesday, August 4

i just wish to see myself fall and then just watch the world turn off...

Heli Dont ask me why 11:41 PM

Tuesday, August 3

Sian. Nothing to blog leh. Bah...

Heli Dont ask me why 2:07 AM

Sunday, August 1

Hmmm entry before this sounded so xiong eh? Actually only the last line but nevertheless, it's not a good entry i suppose.

It's 8 on a Sunday morning. Yesterday tried rushing through vectors after np then slept the way through. This weekend isn't as bad cos of all debts cleared. Promos coming in about 2 months time. No it isn't "still a long way". Nah.. i need to buck up.

It's really ri you suo si ye you suo meng. A lot of weird dreams lately makes me wonder at times if things really did happen not. It's as though i'm living again in my dreams.

Lately felt so cold everywhere i go. Got the mianbei to cover me totally, toe to neck, almost want to cover head.

Yeah bits of my life.

Work le.

Bye.

Heli Dont ask me why 8:01 AM

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